“And how do you feel about that?”

And How Do YOU Feel About That?”  Or  “When both sides of the brain agree”Gram:   “Did you hear the story Angie’s husband was telling her?”

Imma:  “I sure did.  He said that a lady at his work asked him what his wife ‘does’.”

Gram:  “Burns my nickers, it does!”

Imma:  “That’s not the worst.  He told her that while Angie has worked outside of the home at times, she now stays at home, and the woman said, ‘And how do you feel about that?'”

Gram:  “Yup, she did, whippersnapper!  And then she had the gall to keep asking him when he said he didn’t have a problem with it.  Like she was pushing him to tell her how he REALLY feels instead of accepting his answer.  How many times did he have to say it before she’d be willing to believe him?”

Imma:  “Yup!  Poor dear probably was clueless that he was getting hot under the collar.  He was a wise man to walk away when he did, before he started trying to defend himself, or Angie.  I suspect that would have made her a tad bit more upset than the lady’s attitude.”

Gram:  “You know, a generation ago, people wouldn’t have even asked that question, much less insisted that a man must be hiding something if he doesn’t have a problem with his wife being at home.”

Imma:  “She doesn’t make a lot of money with her writing, but she does do a lot of ministry too.  Then there’s part time caring for her aging dad and her mom-in-law with dementia.  Then there’s been the times she was able to help out in crises with the grandkids or spend time with them.”

Gram:  “You know, it really doesn’t matter what she does or doesn’t do.  First, it’s none of her business what goes on between a husband and wife.”

Imma:  “Yup, and second, why is a person looked down on if they ‘work’ or don’t work at home?”

Gram:  “Yeah, when did we start measuring people by what they do, as if a person isn’t worthy unless they fit some stereotype?  {Gram sighs.}  I guess we always have in one way or another.  I find it sad that it has come to this, though.  Remember when a woman was looked down on for going to work outside the home?”

Imma:  “I sure do.  My how times have changed!”

Fade out. . .

This actually did happen, and my husband came home and told me about it.  I thought it went here because of our recent discussions about how people treat those who are writers.  This wasn’t about my writing, because that never got the chance to come up (he walked away).  But it was an assumption that a person staying home is bad and that the husband should be angry about it.   I face this a lot, but Brian makes a decent living, and there have been a lot of factors in my being where I am right now.  God also has a lot of things for me to do that I could not do if I worked outside the home.  I also have some disability problems that would make that difficult at best.  OK, did I just defend myself?   Why should I feel I have to defend myself.  My husband and I live together in a way that works for us.  We appreciate the strengths of the other and shore up the weaknesses.   Our life is often misunderstood by outsiders, however.

I have to confess, however, that I struggled with this.  I feel defensive, and sometimes I forget in the moments when someone does something like this, that I am of worth, not because of what I do or don’t do, but because of who I am.  I forget that I’m doing what God wants me to do, not what society wants me to do.


Have you ever felt like you didn’t measure up?  As a writer?  In other ways? 

How would you have responded to this woman?  Do you have the same questions? 

Are you proud of who you are and what you “do”?  Do you recognize that you are not the sum of what you do?  You are a person of worth, even if you don’t do anything!  God sees you as a person of value, and so do I!





  1. Why entertain such questions? Why not answer with, “she is at home because we want her at home where she and I are happiest”.

    Silly really to have to answer such questions. Isn’t the entire point that all of us, men and women alike are free to make choices about how we will live and work, how our marriages will work as well?

    • That’s a great answer, Valentine. I think I’ll pass that on to him in case the lady tries to bring it up again. He actually had a lot he could have said, but it caught him off guard. He was just so shocked, not that she asked the question, but that she couldn’t accept his answer and kept asking it. It amazes me how often people think others must be exactly like them or not be happy. I encounter it all the time and fight it in myself as well at times. Thanks for chiming in 🙂 Angie

  2. elizabeth

    We had the same dilema last weekend at hubby’s reunion. I refused to tell anyone what I do. In fact I started singing the old Bing Crosby, “I’m busy doing nothing, working the whole day through, trying to find lots of things NOT to do, I’m busy going nowhere, and having a hecka’va time! I’d like to be unhappy, but I never can find the time 🙂 Or words to that effect.

    My stock answer? lying on the couch eating bon-bons.

    And if you took a job (remembering your hubby does quite nicely) you’d be slammed for taking the bread out of some poor child’s mouth just so you could have a nice car, house, or bangle 🙂 It’s a battle no-one’s ever going to win.

    • This true, Elizabeth, and I love your response. Had I been there, I might have done the same. I tend to come back with something that is funny, but still lets the person know to back off. We could use the income for sure, it’s not like we’re rich or anything, but even if I had a “regular” job, my husband would still be a work-a-holic and have more than one job. And that’s his choice (and mine to let him lol). It is a darned if you do, darned if you don’t delemma. I tell people I’m Brian’s trophy wife – I sit around and look beautiful. 🙂

  3. We planned from the beginning to live on one income. That is just prudent planning. My wife stays home and is a great mom to our 3 children. Our daughter requires 24 hour care, so it is really good that we planned for one of us to be home with children. Melanie has her CPA and has worked (before kids). She does some accounting work at home, too, for a bit of income, but mainly to keep up her skills and have a non-domestic “diversion.” But we don’t really care what anyone thinks. We are doing what we think God wants for our family.

    • Good for you! I understand about the non-domestic diversion lol. Our society has become so materialistic. We drive old cars, vacations are usually to visit family, our biggest entertainment expense is eating out, and guess what – we’re happy. I usually just laugh it off because I’m not willing to allow other’s issues bring me down. I just thought this woman was particularly persistent. Makes you wonder what her home life is like. My d-i-l works outside the home and my son works too, but works less time so he can be home when she’s at work. In their case, this is a good thing. It’s up to the couple what works for them. Thanks for leaving a comment and stopping by. 🙂 Angie

  4. Yes there is stigma with working at home, sometimes people think we just play on the computer or watch tv instead. A writer is a person that works hard and there are many challenges to overcome.

    • Oh yeah – it looks like playing sometimes, but it’s not. I don’t do any games on the computer at all – I write and do the stuff that goes along with the writing….. 🙂 Ah well, human condition I guess. 🙂

  5. When did the world become so nosey? I’d most likely sputter for a beat, then stomp off before saying something like, “…none of your business.” (or something a little stronger).

    • Lol. I probably would have cried because I do have some of this kind of self-talk going on in my head, but my husband got mad and walked away before he said something really awful! Why do people think everyone has to think like they think? Human condition?

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